Aggression is Often the Answer
When it comes to resolving trauma, aggression is often the answer.
Several years ago, I was introduced to a ladder that changed everything for me.
You might be wondering, "What does a ladder have to do with aggression and trauma recovery?" Well, here's the story.
Imagine a ladder that represents three distinct physiological states that humans experience. The bottom rungs represent the freeze/collapse state, the middle rungs represent the activated state of fight/flight, and at the top of the ladder, we experience safety and connection.
The Polyvagal Ladder based on the work of Deb Dana & Stephen Porges
One day, while hanging out at the top of the ladder, feeling safe and at ease, you encounter a threat. Neutralizing a threat or escaping to safety requires additional resources, so you move down the ladder into the powerful physiology of fight/flight. Your heart is racing, the blood shifts from your internal organs to your limbs, and your body surges with energy ready to defend yourself or to escape to safety.
In the past, this activated survival response may have been effective, and after you did what was necessary to address the threat, you were able to climb back up the ladder, let out a big sigh of relief, and sink into that beautiful place of safety atop the ladder.
But, today is different — the threat is too powerful. Your body realizes that to fight is to be destroyed, and to run is to be overtaken. All the energy your body has reallocated to survival is of no value in this situation.
So, your nervous system moves down the ladder into the freeze/collapse state. No one wants to end up down here, but sometimes it's the only option available — it’s the survival response of last resort.
Your body is screaming, "Fight! Run!" but it's also slamming on the brakes. If you're quiet enough, small enough, compliant enough, there's a chance that you'll survive. If you please and appease your oppressor, you may live to see another day.
As you collapse at the bottom of the ladder, you feel more alone than you've ever felt before. Disconnected. Powerless.
Now, let imagine this adaptive survival response is effective, and you survive. Perhaps you continue pleasing and appeasing your oppressor in exchange for your life — you are permitted to live another day.
You get to survive, but you're not safe. You're alive, but you're powerless.
You dream of being safe again — being free. You remember what it was like to move freely and to be at ease at the top of the ladder, and you long to experience that life again. If only there were a way to get back there again.
Well-meaning folks tell you to play it safe, learn to relax, focus on being peaceful. "Take some deep breaths," they say, not realizing just how difficult it is to breathe down here.
This approach feels like a good strategy at first, but after a while, you realize you're still stuck and time is not healing all wounds.
The top and bottom rungs of the ladder share a similar quality of being immobilized. When safe in the arms of a partner, we're immobilized within safety and connection. At the bottom of the ladder, we're immobilized in fear.
The stillness may look similarly "peaceful" from the outside, but holding your breath in fear is not the same as the long exhale that happens when you sink into safety.
Here's the important part that changed everything for me!
You can't move from the bottom rungs of freeze/collapse to the top rungs of safe and social WITHOUT moving THROUGH the activated state of the middle rungs. Your body will not let you.
This is where aggression is often ESSENTIAL!
It can be scary to move into an activated state because of what happened when you previously tried to defend yourself. This fear is why trauma survivors sometimes feel forced to live in freeze/collapse indefinitely. There's a better-safe-than-sorry quality to this existence. "Maybe I'll never feel safe again, but at least I'll survive."
This is also why it's common for folks to burst out of freeze/collapse into an activated state — it takes a lot to change the risk/reward survival math. Unfortunately, a big aggressive response can feel both powerful and overwhelming and when you feel overwhelmed you’re more likely to retreat back down the ladder.
There's no easy way to move into and through an activated state from a place of powerlessness, but it's essential to feel safe again.
With adequate support, folks can sustain an aggressive explosion into the activated state and begin to direct that fight/flight energy with more intention and power. It may be messy. It will disrupt the control of the oppressor. It may even be violent at times. AND, it will almost always be a necessary step towards safety.
In a perfect world, folks would have enough support to move up the ladder to safety without violent aggression. But our world is far from perfect. Survivors are often not just dealing with one threat, but numerous threats — entire systems of oppression, centuries of violence, and little or no external support.
As a trauma therapist, when I see folks entering into an activated state, I see hope. When I see anger at injustice, I see potential. It's not my place to judge another's need for safety. We all deserve to feel safe.
If you're puzzled by aggression that is speaking truth to power, throwing off systemic chains of oppression, and demanding justice, take a moment to consider where you are on the ladder.
Aggression may not make sense if you're already safe.
Instead of judging another's survival response, consider what you can do to support their need for safety, and hope that you'll never be in a powerless place where aggression not only makes sense but is essential for your survival.
-Brian
Brian Peck, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in religious trauma and supporting folks with a history of adverse religious experiences. In addition to supporting trauma survivors’ recovery, Brian is passionate about reducing the stigma attached to non-believers, especially those who have exited high-demand religious communities.