I've spent much of my life appearing calm, pleasing and appeasing, and feeling powerless. When well-meaning folks encouraged me to talk deep breaths with long slow exhales, I dutifully went along as best I could even when it was difficult to breathe.

Trauma is not your fault. [period]

Take all the time you need for that to sink in.

Over the past several years, the following phrase/meme has made its rounds.

“Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.”

There’s something about it that never sat well with me, and last night I jotted down a few of my thoughts.

My life changed one year ago today with a significant spiral fracture that landed me in the hospital for 24 days. The following is a mix of fragments I wrote at the time and reflections I’ve had over the past year as I’ve learned about myself, about trauma, and about the power of human connection.

I grew up believing LGBTQ individuals were “immoral” and I learned to feel disgusted by their “wicked” behavior.

It hurts to write these words now, these echoes from a painful and dehumanizing past. But it’s important for me to visit these spaces and to remember.

I didn’t realize just how far-reaching the term “spirituality” was until recently when I attended a “spiritual competencies” training for professional counselors.

In many of the helping professions, spirituality is viewed through the lens of cultural diversity and seen as an essential component for promoting the holistic health and wellness of clients.